Tales from the Bottom of the Bottle

After a weekend filled with drunken debauchery, I started thinking about funny stories when liquor is involved. For your reading pleasure, Tales from the Bottom of the Bottle.

Story 1: Of Mice and (Wo)Men
Out for drinks and dancing one evening, my friend and were in Fanueil Hall and started WALKING back to our house in Roxbury, when she had to use the bathroom. By this time we were on Boylston St. at 3am, so needless to say, finding a public restroom was going to be difficult. We see a dumpster and she runs to hide behind it and handle her business. I was the look-out because we were really trying to avoid incurring charges such as; Public Intoxication, Public Urination, Indecent Exposure, etc.. I glance over to check on her and see rats behind her so I started yelling to get her attention. She finishes and runs back over to me asking why I was acting crazy. I asked her did she see the rats near her feet, to this day she still thinks I was lying about them being so close. I guess she'll never know.

Story 2: I'm A Big Boy Now
A good friend of mine had a birthday. As with any group of lushes, if there's an occasion to toast, we will. So everyone went out for the celebration and, of course, made sure the birthday boy had a sufficient amount to drink. The night had to end, as it usually does, and he crashed at a friends' house. He fell asleep on the couch and woke up in our friends' step-son's race car bed. It's official, he's a big boy now.

Story 3: Broken Promises
In undergrad, a good friend came to visit me for a weekend. Now I went to a D1 school, so we constantly had great parties with all the student athletes. Our school being in the woods, we drove a nearby apartment complex for a house party. My roommate and friend decided to grab a some Jungle Juice, while I hung back as the Sober Sister. (We were underage anyways, so someone had to be responsible.)
I walked around a bit and lost track of my friends, but caught up with them about 45min later. By this time, my roommate was tipsy, and my friend was drunk and rubbing all over a basketball player. This sounds normal until you find out she's 4'11" and he was 6'6". Apparently while mom was away the kids decided to play. In case you don't know about Jungle Juice, whilst it tastes quite fruity it is stronger than a Long Island Iced Tea...my friend had 3 keg cups full. She was quite drunk by the time we got onto campus and kept saying she's never drinking again. We went out for drinks 2 weeks ago...talk about a broken promise.

Story 4: Picture Perfect
A few of my friends went out for a night of drunken debauchery. They finished and one friend decided to crash at the others house. They were chatting at the kitchen table when one stops mid-sentence and puts his head down. Yessir, he definitely fell asleep mid-conversation. As with any good friend, my boy decides to take pictures and save them. Two months later as they are out for more drinking fun, my boy tells the other about the pictures and shows him. I don't know what's worse, pictures that come back to haunt you or not knowing they were ever taken.

Story 5: Hey Big Spender
One thing that makes a bond strong is when you nurse a drunken friend back to normalcy. At my Alma mater, Spring Weekend is the biggest party weekend of the year. My good friend invited me to one. When I showed up he was going shot-for-shot with his friend. Now this was expected, except they were doing this with cheap, cheap liquor. Being a good friend I informed them that this liquor was going to make them sick, so they might want to quit the shots. They didn't heed my warning and my friend got drunk. It was pretty funny until he got really sick and needed to be laid down.
My party buddy and I carried him upstairs. We were just about to lay him on his friends bed when he just threw himself face down on it.
Probably not the best idea.
He laid there for all of 20 seconds, leaned over the side and threw up on the carpet, at least he knew not to go on the bed. I don't know who cleaned things up, but I do know that since then, he gets nothing less than Bacardi.

I'm sure there are more stories in my memory bank...when I sort them out I will SURELY report.